i jhust puked up my retainher.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize