what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
