i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
