How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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