2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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