There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
