my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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