beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
