I like my sex mixed with concussions.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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