How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize