ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
