I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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