mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
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I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
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I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
tell me about the eggs
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize