I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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