thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
