he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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