I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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