All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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