I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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