He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
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you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
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if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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