is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
