every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
false alarm, still single
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
