either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
