I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
