I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
it glows. i had to have it.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
