Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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