Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
