I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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