i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?