FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves