my mouth tastes like poor choices
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.