dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My vagina just recognized that song.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.