I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
