They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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