My hand turned me down
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
