God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
