I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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