Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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