I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
