The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
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The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
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Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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