How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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