I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
