you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
