I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
