I wanna passion pit in your ass
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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