Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Randomize
