somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
