Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
