so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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