Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
