How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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