I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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