what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
