and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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