She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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