Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
