just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
