I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
