Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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