Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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