WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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