I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
