Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
