It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If I die, sorry about rent.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
