You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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