before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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