You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
